Peer Review 13a

I've posted a review on Nicki Escalante's project, HB2, and I'm going to talk about what  I said, and how I hope it helped. Here is a link to her project.

What did I do?

I chose to respond to Nicki's project using a copy-editing approach. I told her that the flow of her project seemed shaky because there were a lot of "this is how I feel", "in my opinion", and "these are my reasons". It takes away the power of her argument. When I wrote the review on her project, I referenced page 84 from the Rules for Writers. It talks about what kind of writing is too passive, and tells the writer to make sure their writing is assertive and confident.

How do I hope it helped?

Well, I feel like tone is a very important component of a paper, especially an argumentative piece. I hope my comments can help her tone become slightly less passive in her approach to her argument. She presents good points, and has very good information, but the strength of it is being undermined. I don't even agree with her argument, but I can see how someone would be able to take her side based on some of the information she presents. It just needs to be less passive.

What do I admire?

I admired Nicki's approach at using an emotional tactic to sway her readers. I definitely don't have enough of that. It brought her argument closer to home, and could lead people to be more likely to take her side of the argument. I also think I could learn from her use of a personal experience. I didn't put one of those in my project, and I think it could be beneficial for me to have.