My suggestions:
I like the content that she has for her project. It's all very thorough and descriptive in following what we were supposed to talk about. The only thing I have to say is a copy-editing suggestion. I thought there were times when it sounded like she was reading an essay with jargon probably more fit for a standard college essay than a video, just in that it was complex and not as entertaining as it could have been. On 248 of A Student's Guide, it talks about the intention of your project, and using the proper wording for what you're trying to accomplish. I think it's important to keep the phrasing in videos consistent with the genre type so as to keep the audience's interest glued to what you want it to be glued to.
How do I hope it helped?
Well, she has an awesome basis for content, and did well with the editing of the video. I hope my comments just help to give it that added boost to make her project more entertaining.
What did I learn/admire?
I really admired the depth to which Avalon went with her project. She was very thorough, and I felt like she hit every key portion of the project with precision. It was obviously well thought through and I was impressed. I learned that my project is definitely lacking in that arena. I think I focused too much on making it entertaining, and not enough on making sure it met the project requirements.
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