Editorial Report 13b

Just like in the previous blog post, this one will be me revising a portion of my project. I've selected the second paragraph of my project. I'll be posting the original version, and then the edited version.

Selection from Rough Cut:

Narcissism has been defined as “inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity”(HarperCollins).  This is inherently different than self-esteem, on which our society is deeply predicated. Dr. Lisa Firestone has stated “The distinction between self-esteem and narcissism is of great significance on a personal and societal level. Self-esteem differs from narcissism in that it represents an attitude built on accomplishments we’ve mastered, values we’ve adhered to, and care we’ve shown toward others. Narcissism, conversely, is often based on a fear of failure or weakness, a focus on one’s self, an unhealthy drive to be seen as the best, and a deep-seated insecurity and underlying feeling of inadequacy.” This idea can be hard to conceptualize, but it is seen time and time again. The person often exhibiting a controlling or superior behavior is struggling with the very thing they seem against.

Re-edited Selection:

Narcissism has been defined as “inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity”(HarperCollins).  A person exhibiting narcissistic traits will think of themselves first in any given situation, and have a grandiose opinion of themselves. This is inherently different than self-esteem, on which our society is deeply predicated. Dr. Lisa Firestone has stated “The distinction between self-esteem and narcissism is of great significance on a personal and societal level. Self-esteem differs from narcissism in that it represents an attitude built on accomplishments we’ve mastered, values we’ve adhered to, and care we’ve shown toward others. Narcissism, conversely, is often based on a fear of failure or weakness, a focus on one’s self, an unhealthy drive to be seen as the best, and a deep-seated insecurity and underlying feeling of inadequacy.” This twist in reality can be hard to conceptualize, but it is seen time and time again. The person often exhibiting a controlling or superior behavior is struggling with the very thing they seem against. The bully in the movie always turns out to have an insecurity that caused him to be the way he is; he’s just trying to hide behind a mask.

How did the content change?

I added a sentence after the definition that talked more about what narcissism means. I felt like it would better bring the idea of the paper into context. I also didn't feel like the actual definition explained the concept of narcissism completely. It felt like it was lacking a little substance. I also changed the word "idea" to "twist in reality". I feel like it gives the paper more variety. It's wordy, so the words need to be different somehow.

How did the form change?

I added a sentence at the end that brought a "feeling" aspect into the paper. It was easier to bring the concept home and have it relate to people. It allowed them to connect with it better, I feel like. I needed  a 'feel' aspect since I didn't have many of those. I have many logical appeals, but it added a feel one.